New Years Eve and Apology

 Hope you had a good Christmas. I did, I feel very blessed. 

A few thoughts.  Pretty much nothing I had hoped for in my mind this spring and summer has come to fruition, that I can see. I had hoped many many people would join Mountain Fire Ministries on New Years Eve, all over the place. I mean, of my friends and people I know. Now I may be the only one. But that's where I'll be to bless olive oil this Friday night. I want to go in person to Raleigh, but I haven't even checked, they may only be doing it via zoom. If you join in, you'll want to get the book from MFM online to follow along with the songs and prayers. 

What has happened this year is, I've wrecked all of my relationships from my old church. I was talking with my current missions pastor, confessing some things, I didn't go into the blog or being upset that my old pastor encouraged people to get the vaccine, and realized that, even though this summer I was proud of this blog, I'm not sure I am anymore.  So... I may delete this blog. Not tonight, but soon. But, I thought I'd let whoever know about my New Year's Eve plans first. 

I don't know if I feel guilt or remorse. or if I can't feel guilt or remorse because I know if I start to, I might never not feel it. I was so angry at my old pastor, and zealous. I doubt people from Trinity have read this blog, but those who have probably feel very angry and hurt towards me. 

Dolly Parton sings it well, you can't make old friends. Well... I have one old friend left, my best friend from middle and high school, but we're so distant now it doesn't feel like I have any old friends. That's really sad though, that I drove that many people away. 

I do still believe the vaccine is evil. It's not what will damn you to hell, although if you got it, you really need to pray and ask for forgiveness. It is how the MOTB will roll out though, like a soft opening for the main event to come. It is about population control for sure. 

I don't know that I can help anyone out of the matrix. I can point people to resources of other people who research and can educate. But, you have to choose the red pill. Most I know have chosen the blue pill and remain asleep. Taking the red pill doesn't mean you have to go crazy and manic and wind up in the psych ward like me. I will say many there are red pilled. 

Anyhow, I am sorry to people I hurt at Trinity. In the New Year, well, going forward, I don't plan on repeating what I did again. When your mind goes a million miles a minute things seem like a good idea that maybe aren't a good idea. 

Please pray for wisdom for me.  There are some changes at my job, and I don't think I'll stay there much longer if I'm not making deals. However, finding a new job that doesn't have a vaccine requirement will be tricky, and getting a religious exemption is hard and nerve-wracking. I need some change though, I have no time between work, taking care of my mom, and a few church things. I run on empty, I'm not reading scripture every day, my prayer life is spotty, I'm out of shape physically and have gained way too much weight this year, I don't get to read or write, I'm off. The trick will be, if I get a part time job instead, guarding my time so that it's not eaten away taking care of my mom. Part of the reason I took my full time job was to get away from my mom. I don't have weekends to myself, and in the week even nights I don't put mom to bed, I'm helping her with business stuff. So... boundaries is an ongoing discussion. I'm not complaining, I love her and want to keep her out of a nursing home as long as I can. but I'm just saying how it really is. 

Okay, if there is a Trinity reader, I am sorry.