The Journey and Derek Webb

 

          Sometimes different things were left in the hospital room for me to stumble upon. One night in my room I came in to find this poem on my bed. As I read, I was drawn into the journey myself, but at the end, God surprised me. I knew who it was, the only life I could save. Derek Webb.

          I’ve reflected on this poem more and realize the conclusion you’re supposed to come to is yourself. But for me, the only person I think I could save is Derek Webb.

          I just posted one of my favorite songs he wrote, a LONG time ago. Derek has written some very theologically rich music in the past. However, I don’t know the timeline or progression of things, but over the past 5 years maybe, things have unwound. He went through a deconstruction of his faith, and after that process, it died.

          Derek is now an agnostic. His album Fingers Crossed is when he came out saying goodbye to his faith to his fans. I went to his basement concert when he was promoting it. I didn’t realize he wasn’t a Christian anymore. Imagine my surprise when he sang about how much he loved alcohol. It caught me off guard.

          I listened to his story on The Life After. The Life After is a podcast of people who have de-converted from Christianity. Sometimes I just hear people bitter about their experience with their faith, and the community they were in, I don’t know that I recommend listening to it continuously, it’s sad and depressing to me at least. But, I knew, I had to listen to Derek’s story.

          What’s interesting is that he highlights how now he feels he is a better person, a better human being, than he was when he was a Christian. Why? Because now he takes personal responsibility and ownership for his life. He can’t pass off all his flaws on his sin, he actually just deals with it. He feels he loves better, and he is better, because it’s not all attributed to God.

          I’ve got more listening to do. He has a podcast, actually, that I need to listen to, The Airing of Grief. It’s actually an interesting project he took on, when he came out with Fingers Crossed. He decided to allow fans who listened to the album call and talk to him for ten minutes and share their feelings about the album. He said it’s been fascinating to hear from his fans and what their response is.

          I’m late to the conversation – he’s on season three of the podcast, I don’t know if he’s still taking calls or not. I don’t know what I’d say to him. I don’t know how I can say or do anything, short of a miracle, to save him. He’s a happy agnostic. He’s not looking back wishing for yesterday. He’s making the most of the life he’s living today.

          I wrote him a song, well, he’s a musician, so I hope he’d appreciate it. Even if, you know, well, I feel inadequate to save anyone myself. It’s God’s job to save, not mine. But, I do understand that, for Derek to ever consider the faith again, it would have to be something supernatural that brought back to the faith, like interacting with a real prophet. I’m not manic anymore, I don’t feel I have any cool supernatural abilities, although going off my meds and fasting for 40 days does tempt me to see if I could do anything cool, but that’s unrealistic. But, I know I’ve shared some self-centered prayer requests… this is a little different. Derek needs to be in heaven one day leading choirs. So… I’m not sure how our stories will intersect again in the future. But, they shall, apparently, and pray that I’ll be ready for that day, that whatever I share could persuade even the biggest skeptic that yes, Jesus did actually exist, and yes, Jesus actually died on a cross to save us from our sins, and no, it was not divine child abuse… and that yes, Jesus would take anyone back, even the scoffer who completely turned his back on Him.

 

Derek Webb

What a web we’re in

What a web He spins

God knows You

And He loves You

He knows the dark

Notes too

Somehow He knew

You’d need me to

Help save you

Thought of you

So much in the

Hospital this

Time I thought

Of THANKFUL

I’M SO THANKFUL

FOR YOU AND

ALL YOUR MUSIC

AND ALL THE

NOTES HIGH AND

LOW THEY GO

MIND HAVE GONE

LOW TOO

Depression for 10

Years I fear

It was bad

So sad

Such a low low time

Life fell apart

It was a mess

I told friends

Recently

A SHIT SHOW

You know?

GOT FIRED

SEVERAL TIMES

GOT KICKED OUT

OF GRAD SCHOOL

EMBARRASING

BUT YOU’RE SO

CARING

Derek Webb

I’ve had suicidal

Moments also

Wonder how low

I’ll go this time

I hope 3 days

That’s all it took

Jesus to rise

From the grave

I hope and pray

When it hits I’ll

Get it

I wonder Easter

Weekend Maybe?

Not sure.

But I do tend to fly

High in the sky

People say come down

Can’t float away today

I pray I saw

Well I kinda want

To it’s fun

I’ll show you how it’s

Done

They say

No way

Stay

We need your unique

Ministry

I do want to go to seminary

But I’m in the world’s seminary now

Learning messages

From everywhere

So clear

Derek Webb

I wonder if you

Knew I’d tell you

My dad’s apparent

Suicide and the

Crazy notes I write

To him and everyone

Derek Webb

I’ll carry you to

Heaven

Where we’ll sing

You’ve gotta lead

Choirs there!

Prepare!

You have for many

Years with all

Those notes you wrote

I’ve seen you three

Times

Once for my 21^st

Birthday surprise from

Caroline LeGarde Shafa

Gotta love her

She knew just what to do

To encourage and

Hug and love

Shervin knew

Our whole Young Life team

Knew

Everyone around her knew

She’s special to my heart

Sad we departed so long

I’ve gotta tell her

How much I love her

And Derek Webb

I spin webs too

All over you know

THE PSYCH WARD

IN 5, HOSPITALS

SOME HIGHS AND

SOME VERY DARK

LOWS

I’ve fluctuated between

Jesus and incubus

There. Yes it scares

But the Holy Spirit

Sustains with enduring

Faith. I’ll share my

Faith with you today

When you hear this

Song I wrote

All we need

Is a seed

Tiny will do

Mustard seed

Jesus said

Grows BIG

I DO LOVE AVOCADOS

THOUGH AND WHAT

THEY GROW AND

WE NEED BIG GIANT

FAITH TO FACE

THE GIANTS WE’VE

FACED

I’m going to listen to

The life After

To hear what went

Wrong and try to

Discern what was

Your heart – can’t

Let it get too dark

You’ve got too much

Goodness and light

Shines bright

Second time You

Were solo

SHE MUST AND

SHALL GO FREE

YOU TOURED IN CHAPEL HILL AND

RALEIGH

Loved the wedding

dress that song’s

definitely about

me

I listen to your

Music so much of

The time I love

I really enjoy

I think o boy

Derek Webb

Love that song

That one too

Which is favorite

Too many to choose

Derek Webb

I’ll spin again

Third time was

In a basement

In Winston-Salem

Few were there

But I met you

I was the chubby

Strawberry blonde

White girl do you

Remember talking

To me that night?

I knew you’d gone

Low maybe too low

When you sang that

Song about alcohol

I don’t know details

About you and your

Life and your exwife

And your kids but

I noticed the black

Ring on your middle

Finger

Asexual

I wondered

Huh

And the Life After…

After we pick up

The pieces that were

Scattered all over

The world I know

From Share the Well

I know we gotta

Drink that water

From that well

You know the living

Kind of water

Derek Webb

I hope you sing

Along to this song

And wonder and

Pray and remember

Jesus still lives in You

He can’t forget you!

You’re his child!

Wild!

I know this wild ride

We’re on

Roller Coasters I love

Think the RAPTURE

WILL FEEL LIKE ONE

WE’LL KNOW

AND WE’LL GO

OH!

WHAT A RUSH!

WHAT A THRILL!

NOW WE’LL CHILL

WITH JESUS

AND OUR BROTHERS

AND SISTERS…

GOD’S REDEEMING

US SO WE WON’T

FALL ALL THE

WAY DOWN TO HELL

WELL

DEREK WEBB

We could talk

Politics if you’d

Like

What’s your perspective

I’ll respect it

Think you’re more liberal

Now

I’m conservative now

Like Candace Owens is

LOVE HER

I’m her prophet you know

Said so

On Instagram

I wonder how I’ll get

In touch with her

Gotta be on her late

Night show and say

Proudly – I ate a whole

Pizza too just like

You! You were pregnant

And I’m on Invega

I get hungry, cravings

When they hit

I get

Ohhhh all that food

SO GOOD WONDER

WHAT’S NEXT

We’ll cover mental

Health I’m sure

No one knows anyone

Quite like me

You see

I love to spin webs

Around

And puzzles oh

Love puzzles in the

Hospital

Saw one put together

One night and stole

A piece, put it in

A different puzzle box!

Mischievous!

Thankfully the pieces

Were different sizes!

I needed that

When I put it

Together myself

Thankfully two

Nursing students from

Appalachian State helped

THEY WERE SO

GOOD, I HAD TO

GET THAT MISSING

PIECE AND CONFESS

THEY SMILED

AND SAID

THAT IS MISCHVIOUS!

They left before

It was done

Gave, left me maybe

13 pieces to go

So I finished them

Except there were

Only 12! The joke

Was on me!

GREAT! TIME

TO SPIN A WEB AGAIN

FRIEND

DEREK WEBB

GOD TRULY DOES

LOVE YOU.

HE HAD ME READ A

POEM AT THE

HOSPITAL. AND

I KNEW AS I READ

WHAT I MUST DO

SAVE YOU!

You’re the one!

*Note to Derek Webb - See if you can watch me on video from Wake Forest Baptist Hospital. They record everything and I was playing and acting for the whole world to see. I’m silly! Not too silly. Only got shots one night when I attacked the TVs. They didn’t want me getting hurt. I’d perform for you now if you’d like. I’m not as talented as you are on guitar. But I’d write a song with you if you want to.