God's Perfect Timing

 

               You may be wondering why there’s a picture of an umbrella here right now. It’s cute and pink, duh! I’ll get to it in a little bit.

               Every day in the partial hospitalization program, in our first psycho-educational group, we’d take the daily reading from Melody Beattie’s book, The Language of Letting Go, and we’d discuss it together. Everyone shared at least one thought on the reading… people like me tended to share more, ha, I used some self-control, and listening to others insights is beneficial to help you grow as well. But, for some reason, I really enjoyed this part of the group.

               When we discussed this short passage on timing, however, not everyone agreed that timing is perfect.

               I wonder though, if those people weren’t upset at timing as much as they were upset at life not going according to their plan.

               I already shared a few thoughts about our need for patience. We struggle with trusting God’s timing so much!  At least, I do. I feel I have my whole life. God, when will it be time for me to do this?  When will I get to do this?  God, did you forget about this?  Okay, God, I think it’s really time for this to happen…

               When I was in the day program this past time, I had this realization that I was supposed to have started seminary the fall of 2009, and yet, I didn’t, and sure enough, my life fell apart. (I actually think there was a self-imposed curse that happened partly because of my own sin, but regardless of the cause, everything went to pot.) The reason I didn’t start seminary that fall was because I’d had my first hospital stint that summer, and my best friend didn’t write my recommendation because she didn’t feel I was ready to tackle seminary so soon after that episode.

               Now, mind you, I know I was in the hospital for a good three weeks, and I think I scared the crap out of everyone I knew, people thought I was going to be in the looney bin for life… (I got shots several times, and I was, okay I was a little insane… but I have a theory that often you actually go more insane in the psych ward when you’re surrounded by so many other people with their own issues…) but I was having fun! So, when I got out, I didn’t see anything that would have hindered me from succeeding at seminary. I’m pretty smart, it’s not like my intellect was tampered with. But, I didn’t go. So, when I was thinking about it in March, I was like, what if I had gone? My life wouldn’t have fallen apart, I wouldn’t have been stuck at a job I resented and hated and gotten fired and then basically floundered in a pit of failure the next 10 years. So, I was questioning the timing. What if I’d gone to seminary when I had planned, how different would my life be? 

               I don’t know… it would be different for sure in some ways, but there’s no guarantee I wouldn’t have wound up cursed still, I mean, my heart can be a big mess. But, I was questioning the timing. I was thinking, that’s when I should have gone to seminary. Now seems a little… late.

               I kept reflecting on it though, and well, if I had gone to seminary at that point… would things have landed me here, in this moment? Where I am today? I mean, I feel like I’m starting to see my purpose a little more clearly at this point, so maybe God’s timing, and the delay in going to seminary, actually really is perfect?

               So one day at the day program, I had been planning this for a while, but I finally did it, I baked cookies and brought them in to share with my new friends!

               There was one guy, I won’t use his name, we’ll call him E, he was a neat guy. I don’t remember his whole story, actually. I’m not sure if he was a pastor or just well studied theologically. I actually met him in the hospital. I have a book recommendation from him also. I think it’s a deep book, so I’m excited to get it soon. Well, E liked my cookies! It made me laugh! He had 4! I was really glad though, I mean, I brought them to share, but no one else had that many J

               But then E said, I have something for you. I was like, huh? And he held up this umbrella!  He said, the bus driver gave it to me, and I’m supposed to give it to you! I was like are you sure?  He was like, yes!  And I was like, okay!

               It was overcast, and I knew it was going to rain soon, like at any moment, but, I had a special delivery of cookies to make to my neighbors as well. My mom was like, don’t go it’s raining, but I was like, I have the PERFECT umbrella for just such a time as this!

               It complimented my outfit so perfectly, I must say. The pink was a great touch.

              God knew that day, it was going to rain, but I needed to deliver my cookies, and He provided the perfect umbrella for me in the perfect time.